Monday, 18 May 2015

Eurovision 2015 - my full review.

Well, unless you've been hiding under a rock for the last few months, you'll know that Europe's favourite TV show starts tomorrow (well, the semis do) so, here's a full review of this year's Eurovision Song Contest entries.

Oh, and apologies for being so late posting this but I've been a bit busy and totally forgot all about it! Oops!

ALBANIA: What is it with the Albanians sending questionable songs lately? It's not for me. I'm out.
ARMENIA: I like the idea of Armenia bringing all the continents together. Sadly for them, the song is crap. Sorry Armenia!
AUSTRIA: Rule of thumb - the country who won the previous year usually sends something unlikely to win it the following year. This one is no exception. Host nation Austria have a good song but they're not going to win it two years in a row. It's going somewhere else next year.
AUSTRALIA: Who told the Aussies they could invade our favourite TV show? Having said that, their début entry is actually a nice little ditty. PS: If you win, Australia, any chance of giving the hosting duties to us next year?
AZERBAIJAN: Elnur is back to have another go for Azerbaijan with a sort-of rock song. And, weirdly, I quite like this one. They're still getting no points from me, though.
BELARUS: The first of many dull duets this year but I do prefer this to their song about cheesecakes from last year. That's all I've got on that one.
BELGIUM: Another year, another snooze-fest from the Belgians. Loo break, anyone?
CYPRUS: Cyprus may be back this year but their song is yet another snooze-fest. Zzzz...
CZECH REPUBLIC: YAY! The Czechs are back but I can't help thinking there was no point in them coming back due to this song being a bit, well... dull. At least it's not a weird guy who thinks he's a superhero, though, so I'll let that one slide.
DENMARK: Most people seem to hate this song but, weirdly, I like it. It was one of my top three in an almost-dull Danish national final and, in the end, the Danes sent their answer to Busted to Vienna. Nice!
ESTONIA: Another song I love. And a potential winner as well. I still have no idea who's going to win on Saturday though. There's a lot of competition at the top.
FINLAND: What on EARTH have you done, Finland?! You usually send good songs to Eurovision and you dropped poor Siru out of the semi-finals for this?! THIS?! That's not music, that's noise! And LOUD noise at that! Even Lordi were quieter! Nil points!
FRANCE: Another questionable song from the Frenchies but at least it's better than last year's effort.
FYR MACEDONIA: Ooh, I like this! I loved Lisja Esenski as well and, what's more, the guy is quite good looking too! What's not to like?
GEORGIA: CRAP! And, not only is the song rubbish, Nina has about as much charisma as a brick. Next!
GERMANY: I'm not overly keen on this either but at least it's better than most of the songs on offer this year.
GREECE: Greece have let me down again somewhat this year. They sent an uptempo dance number to Copenhagen last year. This time, they've given us a ballad. Yawn!
HUNGARY: The last acapella song sent to Eurovision flopped and, whilst I quite like this song, I unfortunately can't see this one doing any better. Sorry Hungary!
ICELAND: WOW! Another one I've loved from the start is this song. Last year, Iceland sent a neon-coloured 'man band' to Eurovision with a naff song. This year, they've gone back to sending nice ballady-type songs again. And, what's more, Dame Hera of Björk is BACK - but, this time, she's a backing singer for María. Hopefully they'll shoot back up that board quicker than they can say 'Reykjavik'.
IRELAND: A young girl and a piano. What could go wrong here?
ISRAEL: This song didn't instantly click with me at first but, several listens later, I actually like it in a weird sort of way. They'll probably need all the help they can get to finally get back into the final again this year though. I thought they'd have done it last year but they were surprisingly robbed.
ITALY: This year, the Italians have gone all classical on us and, as we all know from past Eurovision entries, classical and opera songs tend not to do well on the big stage. However, this song is quite lovely and may break the trend of classical-crossover songs flopping at the first hurdle in the final. But we shall see.
LATVIA: This one isn't bad but it isn't good either and I can't see Latvia getting back into the final any time soon with this. Sorry.
LITHUANIA: Well, at least they've stopped shouting...
MALTA: The best of the two Warriors. Lovely song, lovely singer, lovely performance. One of my top five this year too and it has the potential to do well. Fingers crossed.
MOLDOVA: Questionable song, rubbish singer, accusations of cheating? Well, the guy IS Ukrainian, so it isn't really a surprise.
MONTENEGRO: My word, Montenegro are actually taking it seriously and have sent someone at least half-decent! They ARE learning after all!
NETHERLANDS: Last year, I was cheering like crazy in Copenhagen when my lovely little Netherlands managed to come second behind Conchita's storming win. This year, I'm hoping to do the same, albeit in my own home this time. Like Anouk and 3JS before her, Trijntje has been one of my favourite Dutch artists for as long as I can remember, and I'm hoping for a third successive ticket to the final for my Dutchies. There's a lot of stiff competition though but I'm confident she'll make it.
NORWAY: Blimey, Norway, what is it with another dull and boring ballad? At least it's not totally dull and boring so I can forgive you for this one. Just.
POLAND: After last year's pornographic atrocity, the Poles have gone for the ballad option. And it's actually not that bad. You're forgiven, Poland.
PORTUGAL: My word, Portugal have actually sent a decent song for once! Brilliant!
ROMANIA: Ooh, so Romania DO rock after all! Fabulous!
RUSSIA: Go home, Russia. You're drunk.
SAN MARINO: YAY! No Valentina! Instead, here we have another dull-and-boring ballad sung by two members of Junior Eurovision alumni singing about a chain of light. Yawnsville!
SERBIA: Serbia are back this time after taking a year-long break and have decided to ditch their traditional Serbian-language songs and send something in English instead. Unfortunately for them, the song is a wee bit... odd. Though not as odd as that thing Romania sent a couple of years back so I can probably let them off. Just.
SLOVENIA: Another year, another brilliant(ish!) song from the Slovenes. I have no idea what the large headphones are all about, though...
SPAIN: Another song I've liked since the first listen is this one from Spain. It's probably even better than Ruth's song from last year, which I also loved, and Spanish entries mostly tend to rock my socks off. Well, when they're not sung by a weird Rolf Harris look-a-like with a small guitar singing about bailas and chikis. I still have no idea what the hell they were doing, there...
SWEDEN: A bit like Sanna from last year, it's taken Swedish fittie Måns several attempts to win Melodifestivalen, and he FINALLY managed it with a performance and cute background that rocked everyone's socks off. Unfortunately for the Swedes, the little dwarves he had dancing with him will have to be changed due to a claim of plagiarism, which means they'll look slightly different on stage in Vienna. The song is brilliant too. Another win for Sweden, perchance? Only time will tell...
SWITZERLAND: I usually like the Swiss entries and this one is no exception. I've loved it from the start and it's still in my top 10.
UNITED KINGDOM: I may be from the UK myself but, since I can't vote for my own country, I'm not obliged to like the song. Over the years, we've sent entries that are a bit... questionable. So questionable, in fact, that we've won naff all and come nowhere close to winning. This year, however, I DO like our song. There are influences of Dutch singer Caro Emerald in there, and I love a bit of retro-sounding swing so I will be supporting Electro Velvet this year, though maybe not as much as I'm supporting Trijntje. I just hope we don't suffer the same fate as we did last time we sent a duet to Eurovision.

And that's the wrap! Join me on Twitter over the next week (I'm at @shawsterama) when I'll be reviewing the performances in the semis and the final. But who'll win overall? We'll find out on Saturday night...