Part two of my fantabulous Eurovision 2012 song review is here. Enjoy.
ITALY: Another decent dual-language song from the Italians and I'm sure they'll do well again this year.
LATVIA: This one focuses on Eurovision too much for my liking. Johnny Logan and Riga Airport get a mention too (the latter features in the video). Hmm...
LITHUANIA: This one is dull as hell! Sorry Lithuania!
MALTA: Nice to see Malta embracing their Eurovision roots again. Catchy song though I'm still not entirely sure why Mr. Calleja filmed part of the video in a hospital car park. How classy!
MOLDOVA: MUCH BETTER! My ears are still ringing from the shoutfest you gave us last year!
MONTENEGRO: WHAT... THE... FUCK...?! This is horrendous! Please leave us alone, Montenegro, and don't come back to Eurovision again! URGH! Where are Poland when you need them?!
NORWAY: Ooh, Eric Saade's back, this time in Norwegian form. I actually love the song too and I hope it qualifies. Can we leave the crap tuneless songs out of the final this time please? Thanks in advance.
PORTUGAL: FINALLY! A decent Portuguese Eurovision entry that doesn't involve their very own X Factor/Portugal's Got (No) Talent rejects! Sadly for Portugal, I guarantee that Eurovision won't be held in Lisbon any time soon...
ROMANIA: It's so nice to hear about four different languages in this song and it has a Latino feel to it as well. Guaranteed qualifier.
RUSSIA: I see the Russians have gone for the Grab-A-Granny option! This will probably qualify anyway... it IS Mother Russia, after all!
SAN MARINO: What in HELL is THIS?! Who, in the San Marino press office, said 'oh, I know, let's send a song about a social network' before having the song disqualified and just rewrote the lyrics instead of just sending another, much better song?! RIDICULOUS! See you in the semis!
SERBIA: I actually like this one and Serbia haven't let me down. Potential qualifier but I don't think it'll win overall though.
SLOVAKIA: Were Lordi unavailable? Still, at least metal/rock is back at Eurovision, so it's not all bad!
SLOVENIA: Another slowie (of sorts) from Slovenia but, as the song isn't that bad, I can forgive them for that.
SPAIN: FINALLY! Spain actually LISTEN to me for once and send a nice ballad (of sorts) to Baku - and it was my favourite from their national final! BRILLIANT! *books ticket to Madrid*
SWEDEN: OK, let's be honest here, Eurovision's going to Stockholm next year, isn't it?! This was one of my favourites from the start (apart from The Netherlands, of course) and I LOVE IT!
SWITZERLAND: I can't help but think this is a bit bland and the singers have the most appalling pronunciation of English I've ever heard, which bothers me somewhat. No final for them this year. Sorry.
TURKEY: I don't hate this song but I don't instantly like it either. It's still growing on me.
UKRAINE: Er no, Ukraine, I won't be your guest and I think you'd be better off sticking to the European Championships this year with Poland - that's about all you'll be good at!
UNITED KINGDOM: Surely Engelbert's a bit past his sell-by date?! Still, if he does better than the cocky Irish pillocks, I'll forgive whichever idiot decided to send him in the first place!
And that concludes it! But who will win? Find out on May 26th! Don't let me down, Europe, I'm counting on you sending The Netherlands into the final!